Price 25 Cento 



PAINE'S 
MONOLOGUES 



Susan Gets Ready 
For Church 



Mac KENZIE 



PAINE PUBLISHING CO. 

DAYTON, OHIO 



NO PLAYS EXCHANGED 



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THE LIST CLASSIFIED AND GRADED 
FIRST GRADE History an* Biography- 

Fables and Myths 36 Story of Columbus 

' —' ' - • 23 Story or LongteUow 

24 Story of Old Virgima 

25 Story of Independence — 1 
(Beginning of tke 

Revolution) 

26 Story of Independence — II 
- (War in Middle Colonies) 

27 Story of Independence — III 
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28 The Boston Tea Party 



I Old Fables— Aesop 

2 Stories from Andeiseo — I 

3 Nursery Tales 
Nature— 

4 Animal Stories 
History Stories— 

5 Boyhood Stories — I 
V Columbus, Washington) 



Geography— 

6 Children of Many Lands — 1 
(A Queer Little Elskimo) 

SECOND GRADE 
Fables and Myths— 

7 Stories from Andersen — II 
6 Grimm's Fairy Tales 

1 Adventures of a Brownie 
1 2 Jack and the Beanstalk 

I S Robinson Crusoe 
29 Little Red Riding Hood 
33 Story of Hiawatha 
Wature 

9 Bird Stories— 1 

(The Robin and Bluebird) 
Geography 

1 1 Children of Many Lanc*"^II 
(Ten Litde Indians) 

History and Biography 

1 4 Story of the Pilgrims 

15 Boyhood Stories — II 
(Franklin, Webster, Garfield)] 

THIRD OKi\D£ 
Stories and Myths 

16 Indian Myths 

1 7 Greek Myths 

18 Stories from Andeficn^II 
Nature— 

19 Bird Stories— II 
(The Sparrow Fan^ily) 

20 From Seed to Fruif 
(Studies of Plant LifeJ 

Geography— 

21 Children of Many 

Unds-III 
(Keniiro, the Japanese Boy) 



FOURTH GRADE 

Legends— 

22 Norse Gods and Heroes 

3 1 Leseads of the Rhine 

Nature— 

32 Bird Stories— III 

(The Woodpecker Family) 
Geography- 

34 Stories of Coal and Iron 

35 Story of Cotton 

37 Animals of the Hot Belt 

38 Animals of the Cold Belt 
44 Children of Many 

Lands~IV 
(Karl and Katherine in 

Holland) 
History and Biography— 

39 Story of Washington 

40 Story of Lincoln 

41 Great Inventors — 1 
(Watt, Stephcns«n, Fulton) 

43 St«ry of Daniel Boone 



FIFTH GRADK 

Gtography— 

45 Children of Many 

Unds— V 

(Fu Chen, a Little Chinese 

Girl) 

49 Story of Silk 
History and Biography-^ 

50 Great Inventors— II 
(Morse, Fid^, Edison) 

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Literature— 
46 The Golden Touch 

(Hawthorne) 
55 The Kins o( ihe 

River (Ruskin) 



SIXTH GRADE 

History and BioRraphy— 

42 Great Naval Command«n 
(Jones, Perry, Farragut) 

51 Great Statesmen 

(Clay, Webstw, Calhoun) 

47 Story of Canada 
Literature— 

48 The Snow Imago 
(Hawthorne) 

64 Rip Van Winkle (Irvin.) 

65 Legend of Sleepy Hollow 
(Irving) 

79 Rab and His Friendi 
59 Thanaloptis (Bryant) 

66 Pied Piper of Hameli^ 
(Browning) 

SEVENTH CRADC 

Literature— 
30 The Man Without a CouB' 
try (Hale) 

69 Courtship of Miles Sttndiui 
(Longfellow) 

70 Evangeline (Longfellow) 

7 1 The Great Stone Face 
(Hawthorne) 

72 Snowbound (Whitlier) 



EIGHTH GRAVK 

Literature— 

73 The Downed Village 
, (Goldsmith) 

74 9toriet of King Arthur 

75 Enoch Arden (Tennytoo) 

76 Vision oi Sir Launfal 
(Lowell) 

77 The Cotter's Saturday 
Night (Burns) 

76 Speeches of Lincoln 



Susan Gets Readj 
For Church 

A Monologue 



BY 

EDNA L MAC KENZIE 

Author of 
"As Our Washwoman Sees It,'* 
*The Country Cousin Spca}?s Her Mind,'' ''Thai Awful Letter,' 
*'A Double Tragedy, Almost." 



Copyright 1920, by 
PAINE PUBLISHING COMPANY 



PAINE PUBLISHING COMPANl 

DAYTON, OHIO 






©CI.D 54606 



MM 2^ 1920 



» I • 



SUSAN GETS READY FOR CHURCH 



Character — An ordinary girl in an ordinary house on a 
Sunday morning. 



Susan — Rushes in, sits down at a table and looks dis- 
gustedly at her breakfast. 

Mother, what in the world did you let me oversleep for 
anyway? This toast is all dried up, (Takes top off egg) and 
just look at that egg; it's as hard as a rock and if there's 
anything I detest, it's a hard-boiled — (In surprise) You did 
call me? Oh, of course, but that was ages ago and you 
know I always take another nap after the first — Am I going 
to church? (With sarcasm) Well, what do you think I 
am ! A lightning change artist, to be able to get ready in 
about five seconds! (takes a bite of toast). I know it's 
just a quarter after ten but I simply couldn't get dressed in 
less than an hour and church begins at eleven. Besides I 
havenH had my breakfast yet. (Takes a drink and makes 
a wry face). Goodness, but this coffee is awfully strong. It 
tastes as though it had been boiling for hours. It's enough 
to poison — (pause). 

Oh, a returned missionary is going to speak? Then I'm 
glad I'm not going, for if there's anything I hate to have 
to listen to, it's a missionary sermon. They have generally 
forgotten how to speak the English language and keep saying 
A-a-h-uh until they get the word they're after. I counted 

3 



SUSAN GETS READY FOR CHURCH. 

two hundred and fifty-three A-a-h-uh's in that address that 
man from China — (indignantly) I don't see why I should 
be ashamed of myself. I had to do something to keep awake. 
And they're always begging for money, too. 

The heathen don't need it nearly as badly as I do. Why, 
I had to pay ten dollars for my new hat alone, while they 
can clothe themselves on that many cents. 

Their costumes are so simple, you know, just a frill 
around — (in surprise) , 

Madge got her new hat home last night! And she told 
me the milliner couldn't possibly have it ready for to-day. 
To think she'd lie to her best friend like that! (jumps up 
hurriedly) , 

That settles it ; I'll simply have to go to church now, mis- 
sionary or no missionary, (pause,). 

You don't see what Madge's hat has to do with my go- 
ing to church ? 

Why, mother, the very idea, when you know I've had 
mine for two whole days. I wouldn't let her get ahead of 
me for the -- (pause). 

No, I haven't time for another bite. It's all cold anyway. 
Here Jimmie, (stoops and takes off shoes) give these 
shoes a shine and I'll give you a nickel. 

(Indignantly) Your conscience won't let you do it for less 
than ten cents because it's Sunday! Whoever heard of the 
like ! First time I knew you had a conscience. 

4 



SUSAN GETS READY FOR CHURCH. 

Well, I guess Til have to give it to you then, but it will 
have to come out of my collection, so remember, it's the 
church you're robbing, not — (Puts hand up to hair,) 

Oh, I forgot, my hair isn't done yet, I must run up and 
do it; I'll never get ready in time. 

(Takes down hair, brushes and puts it up, talking con- 
tinuously.) Say, I'd like to know who's been swiping my 
"hair-pins! I just bought a box last week and now there's 
only four — (calls) Bess— ie! Have you taken my hair-pins? 
(Pause,) Well, you needn't snap my head off. I saw you 
slitting the pages of your book with one, I know. Come and 
hunt me up some of mother's, then. Hurry, or I'll be late. 
(Pause.) 

You can find only one ? Thanks, now run down and take 
a couple out of mother's hair, she won't mind. Be quick. 

Jim— ie! Have you got those shoes shined yet? (Pause,) 
Well, hurry up. 

(Pau^e,) She says her hair will come down? Well, tell 
her to bundle it under a boudoir cap. 

(Pause,) Oh, Bessie, you're a dear. Now get my dress for 
m.e ; it's hanging on the nail behind the closet door. (Pause.). 
No, not that one, that color wouldn't go with my new hat 
at— 

(Pause,) You can't find it? Oh, dear, I guess I'll have 
to hunt for it myself. (Takes a few steps and searches 
frantically,) 



SUSAN GETS READY FOR CHURCH. 

There, (slipping it over her head) it was just exactly 
where I told you it was — hanging behind the door, under 
my suit skirt, that dress and my georgette crepe waist. 

It was there all the time, but some people are so afraid 
of looking for anything for fear they might find it. Now 
fasten it up for me. 

(Calls.) Jim— mie, hurr — (Jumps.) Ouch! You're stick- 
ing a pin in me. Do be more careful. (Calls as she fixes her 
dress.) 

Mother, get my collection ready for me, please. I can 
just give a nickel since Jim — (Pause.) Oh, my purse is in 
one of my boxes in the side. (Pause.) There are five boxes? 
I don't know which one it's in ; look in them all. (Pause.) 
Not in any of them? Oh, I know now. I left it in my coat 
pocket. It's hanging on the hall-rack. 

There goes the first bell, FU never get — Nothing in it 
less than a dollar bill? Well, Til not give that, that's one 
thing certain. Lend me a nickel to tide me over — 

(Calls) Jim— mie, aren't those shoes shined yet? 

(Pause.) Mother you shouldn't let him use such words, 
they're not — 

Oh, Bessie, run and get me a handkerchief out of my box. 
(Pause.) None there? Then get me one of yours. (Pause.) 
Yes, mother, I'm coming down. 

Oh, dear, where's my hymn-book? I left it on top of 



SUSAN. GETS. READY FOR CHURCH. 

those books last Sunday. I guess it's fallen behind, {Pulls 
cut books.) No, it isn't here. Where — 

Oh, Bessie, will you hunt up my gloves? (Pause.) No, I 
hciven't the least idea where they are. Look in that drawer. 
(Pause.) Not there? Then look in the writing — Oh, I re- 
member, I left them over to Edith's. I simply can't go to 
church without them, so run and get them. ITurry, I'm late 
iiow. 

( Calls) Jimmie, aren't those shoes done yet? ilqther, do 
make him hurr}'. Til nev — 

I suppose I might be putting en m.}^ liat while I'm wait- 
ing. (Puts it oil carefully.) ^Mother, which v/a}^ do you like 
it best? This Avay, {Jcvhs it to the left.) or this?' (J cries it 
to tlic rigJit.) You like it best en straight ?" But mother, it 
must have a dip or it won't be in style. There, {Jerks to the 
left and examines critically.) I like it that way best. The 
way that curl pokes out is too cute for — Where's my fancy 
hat-pins gone ? You can't keep anything around this place, 
ril have to take Bessie's. 

(Calls.) Oh, Tim— mie, do get a move on! (Severely.) 
Don't get into such a temper. TIow did I know you were 
coming. 

' hodness, hut that's some shine you've got. (Puts them 

071.^ 

Y-:u*d think — oh, oh. look at my hands : they're all over 
shoe polish. I'll have to wash them aq'ain. 



SUSAN GETS READY FOR CHURCH. 

I'll never, never get to church. 

(Indignantly) Jimmy Sm_ith, the idea of saying it's my 
own fault. I couldn't waken if nobody called me, could I? 
You ought to be so thankful that you have a sister VN^ho's 
anxious to go to church that you'd do anything to help her 
get ready. 

Has any one found my liymn-book yet? Never mind, I'll 
get one at the door as I go — 

Jimmie, run and see if — 

Oh, here you are, Bessie. I thought you were never 
coming. (Takes ^^^lovcs cud starts to put one on.) 

These aren't my gloves ; they're Edith's, and she takes a 
half size smaller than I do. No, you haven't time to go back 
and get mine so TH have to wear them., but they'll be a 
j)retty tight fit. (Pause.) 

WtW, just look at that ! Split right down the middle. They 

must be' awfully poor kid. I didn't think she'd buy such 

cheap things. I'll have to hide the tear with my handker-- 

Oh, there goes the last bell. I'll be most awfully late, 

likely they'll be finishing the first bymn. 

I think you people might have helped me more. One 

good thing, :\Iadge can't m.iss seeing me. Oh, I'm going off 

without my handkerchief. Run and get it for me, Jimmie. 

Mother, are you sure my hat's on straight? Wouldn't it 

be awful if -Madge weren't out after all! 

CURTAIN. 
8 



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